Monday, February 15, 2010


I'm 26 in a bit over a week, and I've been single for nine years (GASP!). Yes, I realise this is a long ...very long...exceedingly long time (it's like a prison sentence). I'm not saying I haven't had...moments, they just haven't eventuated into anything more. And yes, this lack of lovin' has been, in large part, my own fault. See, the first guy I dated was (for the most part) a bastard - but he was also pretty damn amazing sometimes. Being my first boyfriend, he also won the ability to set the standard for every single guy that would come after him, and he set it mighty high.
And therein lies the problem.
You see, now I have this list of attributes a guy must tick off before he is considered worthy of more of my attention. I'm not saying the whole list has to be checked within the first ten minutes, there's just certain goals to be achieved before moving to the next level. (And I've just compared my lovelife to a video game...) Before I go on, I should probably state that not all things on this list are conscious decisions. In fact, a number are attributes I honestly thought I disliked, until someone pointed out the very opposite to me ( Apparantly I'm into big noses. What's that about?).
I'm rambling.
The thing is, I've realised recently that I need to stop using this list - consciously or not - when considering a guy because, clearly, it's not getting me anywhere. Problem: giving up the list means I'm settling, and I don't want to settle dammit! I'm sure there's a 6'1, bronzed, brown-haired/eyed, buffed, surfer boy out there who can sing, dance, play the guitar, and deal with my mood swings, all while being incredibly understanding, funny, intelligent, kind, sensitive, and honest. And I'm sure he's totally happy to settle for a short, chubby, redhead, with no current job, a dodgy knee, and an uncertain temperement, right?
I also realised a while ago that maybe beggers really can't be choosers, and if I don't lower my standards just a few inches I may very well be the crazy cat lady I keep joking about becoming. I think I've got a rather bad case of hypocritocrisy.

And yes, I do know that hypocritocrisy isn't a real word. But then this post is all about my own little world isn't it?

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